Three Women by Lisa Taddeo
(Format used for this read: Audiobook)
Lately, I have really been drawn to books about womanhood and all it’s complicated layers….
And what those layers mean to each of us is VASTLY DIFFERENT.
We often are told the definition of “womanhood” fits into a nice, neat little box with a simple quaint definition.
How far from the damn truth THAT is.
This book digs deep into one aspect of womanhood that may be the most complicated of human composition….sexuality.
It is shockingly intimate, groundbreakingly raw and achingly vulnerable in every sense of the word.
This is a nonfiction book but the sharp way it is written, you almost forget that you are not reading a novel.
Here is the summary before I start reviewing :
“A riveting true story about the sex lives of three real American women, based on nearly a decade of reporting.
Hailed as “a dazzling achievement” (Los Angeles Times) and “riveting page-turner that explores desire, heartbreak, and infatuation in all its messy, complicated nuance” (The Washington Post), Lisa Taddeo’s Three Women has captivated readers, booksellers, and critics—and topped bestseller lists—worldwide.
In suburban Indiana we meet Lina, a homemaker and mother of two whose marriage, after a decade, has lost its passion. Starved for affection, Lina battles daily panic attacks and, after reconnecting with an old flame through social media, embarks on an affair that quickly becomes all-consuming. In North Dakota we meet Maggie, a seventeen-year-old high school student who allegedly has a clandestine physical relationship with her handsome, married English teacher; the ensuing criminal trial will turn their quiet community upside down. Finally, in an exclusive enclave of the Northeast, we meet Sloane—a gorgeous, successful, and refined restaurant owner—who is happily married to a man who likes to watch her have sex with other men and women.
Based on years of immersive reporting and told with astonishing frankness and immediacy, Three Women is both a feat of journalism and a triumph of storytelling, brimming with nuance and empathy. “A work of deep observation, long conversations, and a kind of journalistic alchemy” (Kate Tuttle, NPR), Three Women introduces us to three unforgettable women—and one remarkable writer—whose experiences remind us that we are not alone.”
Alright… I will be real with yall….this book is about sex.
In case you did not figure that out by the summary 🤣
And it is talked about A LOT and IN DETAIL.
But it is NOT what you are thinking.
Before you start thinking this is some lewd real life soft porn or some straight up clinical textbook examination of the depths of female sexuality, I will tell you straight away neither of those things is what this book IS.
Like AT ALL.
I honestly have no idea why or when I placed this book on my “holds” list on the library app.
TOTALLY not something I’d be naturally drawn to…. I’m assuming a friend recommended or I read about it on some kind of “must read” list…
Because I admit that most of the time I am usually one to COMPLETELY shy away from discussing or addressing sex in any way, shape or form. (unless it is with EXTREMELY trusted confidantes…and even then it is seldom)
There are a PLETHORA of deep tangly rooted reasons for this which I am digging into, working out, and processing thru …
BUT YALL DO NOT NEED TO KNOW ALL THAT ABOUT MY OWN LIFE, OKAY?!? 🤣
So I ain’t going into all THAT business here.
BUT…..my point is I usually am a tad bit uncomfortable discussing sex or reading about sex…fictional or nonfictional…. (and at the ripe age of 39 going on 40 I am learning to GET OVER MYSELF and sort shit out🤣)…
So when I got the notification that my hold was available, I was like “Huh? How did this get here?”
Whatever reason I put it there, I knew there must be some kinda valid reason so I decided to just jump right on in…
And yall….I feel like this book really made me jump right on OUTSIDE my own regular thought process.
It had me constantly re-examining why I think the way I do in regards to women and how we discover, grow and damage our sexual identity…
It also had me intimately assessing how many things influence our narrative and experiences in regards to our sexual roles—men, media, religion, biology, other women.
The author spent eight years researching, interviewing, and spending time with the three women in these pages.
She mentions in the prologue that there were more women originally committed to the project as well…but for some reason or another they backed out of the project before it was completed or published.
The reason most of the time was fear….fear of exposure, fear of anger from others, fear of judgement.
Isn’t fear why we all hold so many things within ourselves, never to see the light of day?
Not just regarding sex, but with so so so many other things that make us who we are and who we aren’t?
Yes, sex is discussed and described….and in VERY descriptive detail…but I never felt like the author wrote about it in an exploitative, damaging, or critical way.
She tells these women’s stories with all the truth, candor and sincerity they deserve.
I find that most of the time when women–and NOT MEN– are the ones who are guiding the conversation and narrating stories such as these, they tend to be treated with the compassionate and careful gaze they deserve.
There is no female objectification, just delicate personalization.
All of these women have different lives and different experiences…but they all have immense moments of tragedy, heartbreak, joy, pain, love,struggle, and yes of course pleasure, that compose who they intimately are–sexually, emotionally, physically, mentally.
Their lives AND their sexuality are a beautiful, tragic, perfect chaotic mess all at once…which I think all of us women can relate to in a soul shaking way.
As a woman, this book really crawled inside the dark crevices of my brain and had me shining some light on some of my own chaotic mess up in there I didn’t even know I had…or why I had it.
I’ll be sitting with all that for a hot minute FOR SURE while I figure out what to do with it all 🤣
One thing that really stands out to me in all 3 of these stories is how quickly most women let OTHERS define what is “acceptable” or “normal” or even “shameful” for our lives AND for our bodies…and how desperately we all want to feel safe, desirable, like we belong, and like we are cared for.
Hearing these stories reminded me also how much damage can be caused from just one small moment or one insignificant person that can completely shatter our identity into a million broken pieces… and can take us forever to piece back whole again.
So….another not so easy or light read for me….but another book I am glad I journeyed thru.
And I think if you are a woman, you should read this too.
It may make you uneasy, challenge a few thoughts in your head or you may read it and think I am a complete weirdo for suggesting it….
But it may help you develop compassion and understanding not just for other’s journeys, but for yours as well.
**I do want to make sure I tell yall that if you have been a victim of sexual assault, it IS discussed in this book and reading this could be triggering for you.**