The Sound of Gravel by Ruth Wariner
(Format used for this read: Audiobook)
A riveting, deeply-affecting audiobook memoir of one girl’s coming-of-age experiences in a polygamist cult.
Ruth Wariner was the 39th of her father’s 42 children. Growing up on a farm in rural Mexico, where authorities turned a blind eye to the practices of her community, Ruth lives in a ramshackle house without indoor plumbing or electricity. At church, preachers teach that God will punish the wicked by destroying the world and that women can only ascend to Heaven by entering into polygamous marriages and giving birth to as many children as possible. After Ruth’s father – the man who had been the founding prophet of the colony – is brutally murdered by his brother in a bid for church power, her mother remarries, becoming the second wife of another faithful congregant.
In need of government assistance and supplemental income, Ruth and her siblings are carted back and forth between Mexico and the United States, where her mother collects welfare and her step-father works a variety of odd jobs. Ruth comes to love the time she spends in the States, realizing that perhaps the community into which she was born is not the right one for her. As Ruth begins to doubt her family’s beliefs and question her mother’s choices, she struggles to balance her fierce love for her siblings with her determination to forge a better life for herself.
Recounted from the innocent and hopeful perspective of a child, The Sound of Gravel is the remarkable true story of a girl fighting for peace and love. This is an intimate, gripping book resonant with triumph, courage, and resilience.
While I do gravitate towards reading memoirs and autobiographies–I generally find it completely fascinating to listen to people tell their life story—I try not to read ones often that speak in detail about any kind of abuse.
It is difficult for me for many reasons….so I stay away most of the time.
My friend Rachana recommended this book to me…. and even though it is NOT something I would typically pick up on my own, I absolutely trust and value her opinions….so I decided to take the risk.
She called this book haunting, horrifying and also fascinating.
I can not agree more with those adjectives.
I have to admit that it WAS very emotionally difficult and disturbing to read Ruth’s story.
I felt mostly uneasy and upset as I listened to this woman’s entire childhood experience.
It is so so so unbelievably hard for me to listen to stories such as hers…but I completely understand the importance of why they need to be heard and why they need to be told.
I will give yall some trigger warnings RIGHT NOW:
There is sexual abuse of children as well as physical domestic violence. There is also church induced trauma, spiritual abuse, emotional manipulation, and brainwashing.
While listening to her tell her and her family’s story, there are moments where you feel hopeful that positive changes are about to happen….and then quick disappointment and horror when it didn’t.
So so so many adults she crossed paths with did not provide the safety her and her siblings (and ALL children) needed and deserved.
When victims of abuse are brave enough to tell someone what is happening and how they are suffering and they are not believed….and in fact even told they are WRONG…I just get enraged.
This happens repeatedly in her life…. not just to her, but to many many people.
The “church” her family is a part of is beyond damaging on so many levels…her story really dissects how trapped someone can feel by their faith community and how extremely dangerous and scary religious cults can be.
I have BIG problems when polygamy is taught as something that “earns” you more of God’s love…and that it is a heavenly duty to uphold.
People having multiple wives in and of itself does not bother me….grown people can do their marital business however they feel comfortable with…as long as ALL PARTIES INVOLVED ARE EQUAL AND CONSENSUAL.
This is NOT what happened in Ruthie’s enviornment.
It’s quite ironic how the MEN are the ONLY ones who benefit from this arrangement…the women are just expected to sacrifice themselves at the men’s leading–body and soul and mind—over and over and over again.
And I wanted to PUKE every time a woman was told to overlook a man’s AWFUL and DISGUSTING abusive behavior (to them, their children AND community members) and fulfill their role in being submissive….and to just “forgive and love like Christ.”
Seriously made me nauseated because I don’t know ANYWHERE in the Bible that Jesus condoned abuse. How the hell that can be excused and validated is BEYOND me.
Ruthie’s story is one of TRUE survival…the shit her and her siblings had to endure was gut wrenching and heart breaking.
Her love for her siblings is SO steadfast and strong…I was AMAZED at her dedication to them all, year after year…tragedy after tragedy.
I was also really astounded at how she was able to tell about her life events without one shred of self pity…she isn’t telling you her story so you feel sorry for her, she is telling it so she can finally bring the darkness into the light.
I am unsure how I feel about this book…I struggled a bit to get thru it and had to listen in small doses…and it doesn’t feel right for me to say if I “liked” it or not.
This is a human being’s story.
This is her life.
Her family’s life.
She deserves to have people know the truth of their experiences and to hear her voice.
I hope in telling her story to others it has helped bring her the healing and processing she has needed.
But it IS a difficult book to get thru emotionally.
So I do not think it is for everyone, especially if you ARE triggered by what I mentioned above.
Just be aware and be in a good mental space before you start reading.