The School For Good Mothers by Jessamine Chan
(Format used for this read: Audiobook)
Frida Liu is struggling. She doesn’t have a career worthy of her Chinese immigrant parents’ sacrifices. She can’t persuade her husband, Gust, to give up his wellness-obsessed younger mistress. Only with Harriet, their cherubic daughter, does Frida finally attain the perfection expected of her. Harriet may be all she has, but she is just enough.
Until Frida has a very bad day.
The state has its eyes on mothers like Frida. The ones who check their phones, letting their children get injured on the playground; who let their children walk home alone. Because of one moment of poor judgment, a host of government officials will now determine if Frida is a candidate for a Big Brother-like institution that measures the success or failure of a mother’s devotion.
Faced with the possibility of losing Harriet, Frida must prove that a bad mother can be redeemed. That she can learn to be good.
A searing page-turner that is also a transgressive novel of ideas about the perils of “perfect” upper-middle class parenting; the violence enacted upon women by both the state and, at times, one another; the systems that separate families; and the boundlessness of love, The School for Good Mothers introduces, in Frida, an everywoman for the ages. Using dark wit to explore the pains and joys of the deepest ties that bind us, Chan has written a modern literary classic.
I know I said I wouldn’t be back much right now because of my dumb concussion…
But here I am LOL
Turns out an audiobook is the perfect company when you’re just lying down with your eyes closed trying to rest your brain.
Although technically you’re not REALLY resting your brain because you are actively listening to a story…but still.
It helps.
Listening doesn’t seem to irritate my headache and gives my eyes the break they need…I seem to be having lots of eye strain and pressure.
ANYWHO…I am beginning to feel better in a few ways, so here’s hoping within another week I’ll be back to my version of normal 🙌
Yes I’m still trying to limit screen time….but here I am anyway. I suck as a patient 🤦♀️
Okay…so….
This book was REALLY REALLY good, yall.
I’m on a streak lately with listening to GREAT books…not a bad problem to have!
This story addresses the struggles of motherhood and untreated mental health issues.
Both of which I can relate to BIG TIME.
This story also speaks into the ridiculous, unattainable societal expectations of mothers…and the guilt and shame one feels when impossible standards can not be met.
What if your absolute WORST moment of mothering a young child defined you forever and labeled you for life?
This happens to Frida, the main character.
She is a newly divorced mom of a small child….she is stressed, sleep deprived, depressed, anxious and unmedicated.
She makes ONE poor decision in leaving her child unattended for a short period of time (gasp all you want…but ALL mothers have legit thought about doing more than once if we are being honest)…and the authorities are called.
Her rights are taken away and she gets sentenced to attend a school for an entire year….where she will learn how to be a “good mother”.
I mean….in some way, all parents wish for a school like that…. the premise of it, anyway. Somewhere to tell you exactly how to care for and provide for your kid in the exact right way they need.
Except….it’s all relative, isn’t it? And quite impossible.
Because who defines what is “good”? And what is “bad”?
What one child needs may not be what another kid needs AT ALL.
There is no one size fits all when it comes to mothering…or children…or HUMANS…or LIFE.
But at THIS school, there IS.
And listen…..
The “good” way of parenting has upper middle class whiteness alllllll over it.
😑😑😑😑😑😑😑
The dangerous toxicity of white supremacy is lurking underneath every lesson…or glaringly obvious.
At the mothering school, the moms are taught how to “properly” parent and are tested and scored along the way, leading up to a final evaluation that is presented to a judge at years end to decide if they will see their children and regain their parenting rights.
Even though all the mothers are treated negatively in the school, Frida is Chinese American, and her and the other BIPOC moms are judged WAY more harshly than the white ones.
This story definitely dives into racial stereotypes and biases, ESPECIALLY in regards to mothering in our country.
And also….
Gender biases/stereotypes also come into play when the mothers eventually meet the dads from the “good father” school.
The dads have an ENTIRELY different (and easier) experience than the moms….surprise, surprise. 😑
Something else this book dissects is what “rehabilitating” a person who commits a “crime” can mean…and how it can miss the mark HUGELY….and how harmful societal stereotypes follow people even into a place where they are supposed to be cared for and helped.
Negativity, shame, self doubt and guilt are daily tactics. Doing “well” is almost completely unattainable.
The mantra the mothers have to say multiple times of day is “I am a bad mother. But I am learning to be good.”
Yall….
The school gives ALL KINDS of uncomfortable vibes obvi….
and it goes next level creepy with the realistic (yet at the same time not) robot children the school uses to “train” the mothers.
CREEPY AF.
You feel heartache for Frida and all the other mothers she is “in training” with…if you are a parent yourself, you will feel connected on some level to their troubles and will understand their difficulties….because so so many of them are ones we have all experienced at one time or another.
BUT…
You will ALSO feel yourself being judgy about their lack of parenting skills, just as they do with each other. Isn’t it weird how we always want to ensure someone else is “worse” than we are? That the offenses we commit aren’t “as bad” as another persons?
Ugly truth: We find ways to elevate ourselves thru the detriments of others while at the same time feel sympathy and a type of kindred connection too.
Human nature is a fickle beast, yall.
We can really suck.
This story paints a vivid picture of the stigma surrounding mental health and motherhood…how you’re always told to “ask for help” but it’s almost impossible to do so…and when you do, you are labeled and judged and sometimes even penalized….and rarely helped, cared for or sympathized with.
This book just a heart wrenching, honest and HAUNTING look at the intricate layers of motherhood.
And ooofffffffffffff…..
The ENDING, yall.
💔😥
It’s not what you will expect.
Really, really good book, although not one that is uplifting…..it will put your emotions thru the ringer…and will definitely have your brain whirling even after you long finish the last chapter.
Which I think is exactly what the author wanted to do.