The Road Back To You: An Enneagram Journey to Self Discovery by Ian Morgan Cron & Suzanne Stable
(Format used for this read: Print–hardback–which is good because I think this is a book you will probably want to come back to more than once…see my why below😆 )
Let me start this off by saying I have a complicated relationship with the Enneagram.
Talk of the Enneagram has been the hotness for a couple years now in communities I am a part of and I have tried multiple times to jump on the bandwagon and drink the number Kool Aid.
But every time I have tried, I have gotten SO DAMN FRUSTRATED, YALL.
Want to know why?
Because I could NOT figure out what my dominant number is!
I’ve read thru this book in it’s entirety TWICE….taken numerous free online quizzes (which BTW “true” Enneagram experts say NOT to do because they are not accurate)….listened to informative podcasts…..and my results have always been different. 🤣
I mean, I know my personality is kind of a lot to handle sometimes and hard to place… but GEEEEZZZZZZZZZ.
I don’t think I am THAT complex.
I kept hearing all these people be like “OMG When I read about Ones, I was like ‘I finally feel understood! I had no idea other people felt like this too!’ “
People like my husband fit all neatly 100 percent into their number box (he is a 5 BTW…like UNDENIABLY WITHOUT QUESTION) and I’m over here trying to figure out how it’s possible that I can be like FOUR numbers at ONE TIME.
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN ABOUT ME?!? (this is a rhetorical question…but if you think you have an answer to that, please feel free to send me a message 🤣)
The last time I read this book about a year ago, I got so frustrated I literally THREW THE DANG THING ACROSS THE ROOM.
I had to put it away.
It just irritated me to NO END not being able to categorize myself.
I find myself to be a fairly self aware person so I just couldn’t wrap my head around what my DEAL was with this mess.
I settled on identifying myself with being a 2 with a 1 wing…which I *thought* was an okay estimate of myself….even though a lot of me was like “But…that isn’t ENTIRELY me….”
So….
Fast forward to a couple months ago when we discussed reading thru this book for the monthly book club I belong to.
I looked over at the book collecting dust on my shelf and thought “I think I’m ready to jump back in and figure this out again.”
And I think I finally figured me out a bit more 😆
Are you sitting there right now thinking “GURRRRLLLL…WHAT THE HELL IS THE ENNEAGRAM?”
Let me give you an official summary of the book to clear that up for you:
“Ignorance is bliss―except in self-awareness.
What you don’t know about yourself can hurt you and your relationships―and even keep you in the shallows with God. Do you want help figuring out who you are and why you’re stuck in the same ruts?
The Enneagram is an ancient personality typing system with an uncanny accuracy in describing how human beings are wired, both positively and negatively. In The Road Back to You Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile forge a unique approach―a practical, comprehensive way of accessing Enneagram wisdom and exploring its connections with Christian spirituality for a deeper knowledge of ourselves, compassion for others, and love for God.
Witty and filled with stories, this book allows you to peek inside each of the nine Enneagram types, keeping you turning the pages long after you have read the chapter about your own number. Not only will you learn more about yourself, but you will also start to see the world through other people’s eyes, understanding how and why people think, feel, and act the way they do.
Beginning with changes you can start making today, the wisdom of the Enneagram can help take you further along into who you really are―leading you into places of spiritual discovery you would never have found on your own, and paving the way to the wiser, more compassionate person you want to become.”
This Enneagram thing has been around for a long time. So long in fact no one knows for certain when this concept was created. It’s history is kind of mysterious and even controversial…but it has been used by clergy, spiritual directors and regular ol’ people as a learning and teaching tool with amazing accuracy for years on end.
So what was MY problem? Where was that tried and true for centuries accuracy for ME?
Reading this book thru for the second time I STILL struggled, but not AS badly as before.
As you can see in my picture up there, most of my reading of this book occured on my back porch hammock…I tried SO HARD to take in ALLLLLL the chapters as my kids were having some type of summer time shenangians a few feet away.
That may sound counterproductive…but listen…as a mom of two boys I have gotten REALLL good at tuning out their volume….it is a necessary daily survival tactic 😆
I will be real with you…the chapters on the numbers I KNEW right away I would not categorize myself under I kinda just did a speed read of 😬 I mean, I took in the info…but didn’t let it marinate in the brain cells as much as it should have.
(Except my husband’s number…that one I dug into FULL UP because it was SO SPOT ON to his personality. )
I also went online and took MORE free assessments.
What did I discover this time?
Well…I did realize that not all lenses they tell you to view yourself thru to find your number can pertain to every single person.
In the book, the authors say if you’re having trouble identifying your number to think of how you were in childhood or at age 20….use how you were at those times to see your “true self”.
Well…for those of us with rocky childhoods where we didn’t know HOW to be ourselves and messy college years where we did ANYTHING to fit in or have a good time….I don’t think that is an accurate lens to view thru.
Because that was me at an unhealthy personality place….and each of those times of my life I had NO IDEA WHO I WAS YET.
I honestly feel like the older I get…ESPECIALLY in the past few years…I become more and more MYSELF.
So once I started looking thru the lens of when I think my true self has started to emerge, things started making a little more sense to me.
You Enneagram fans out there may be dying to know which number I am.
I still feel a tad conflicted about it….
But I think I can comfortably say I am *mostly* a two….known as “The Helper”. Some of the time I CAN lean towards being a 2w1…but not as much as I originally thought.
One online test categorized me as an 8 “The Challenger”, which surprised me..until I realized that when 2s are in a state of stress we take on personality traits of an 8.
And the day I took the test I was in QUITE the stressed state.
Also I can REALLY identify with so much of a 4 personality too…The Romantic…which also made sense when I realized that when 2s are feeling secure, our personality moves toward positive qualities of 4s.
If you aren’t familiar AT ALL with the Enneagram all this probably makes NO KINDA SENSE…but it also may have you TOTALLY interested and wondering what number you are.
This may sound like a fun and informative read.
And it is…but it also can hurt too!
Each chapter dives into alllllll parts of each number’s personality….so while it tells about wonderful strengths and positive qualities, it also tells about weaknesses and negative traits too.
For instance…as a 2 here are some things about me as “The Helper”:
I am generous in my efforts to love well and care for others. I create a comfortable, safe space for others and am considered a friend to many.
BUT… I can also be insecure, manipulative and can play the role of martyr.
I am a generous person…BUT I often subconsciously (or consciously!) expect something in return for my efforts.
Twos are intuitive people with highly developed interpersonal skills who need to work in positions where there is alot of people contact…BUT too much criticism will crush us.
You can see the good AND the bad are dug into….and also there are tips on how to be on the “healthy” side of your number which I really appreciated.
Do I think FINALLY vaguely knowing my Enneagram number is like a be-all end-all type of classification for me?
Not really.
But it is interesting and kinda cool to explore….especially in the season of life I am in now where self discovery, knowledge and growth are REALLY important to me.
Also…the book is based in Christian beliefs and foundations, so that type of spirituality is dug into for each number as well…what each number’s “deadly sin” tends to be, how to practice your faith better in alignment with your number, etc. Even if you are not of this faith background, I still think this would be an informative journey for you.
My final thoughts on the Ennegram?
Cool…but not life altering for me.
But I can see how it could be for others…
I may go back thru this in a year or so and see how I am feeling then.
Check this book out for yourself and see what happens.
If you find yourself getting irritated, go ahead and throw the thing across the room….let it marinate for awhile…and then eventually go back to it.
You may see things a bit clearer after time goes by. 😀