I Can’t Date Jesus: Love, Sex, Family, Race And Other Reasons I’ve Put My Faith In Beyonce’ by Michael Arceneaux
(Format used for this read: Audiobook)
I equally love and hate autogenerated lists on apps/websites that say to me “YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:” and show me new things.
Based on my downloading and browsing history, I get some pretty legit recs most of the time and I’m all “Why YES! Thank you technology robot thing, this YA fantasy novel about magical dragons/sugar free red wine in a can/Little Mermaid glitter lounge pants does INDEED sound like something right up my alley! You SO get me! “
And then……
I get some friggin’ weird ass stuff pop up that I would NEVER EVER buy or be interested in and I’m like “You crazy piece of strange technology! Are you even LISTENING?!? Who in the WORLD do you think I am?!? What made you think I would ever spend dollars on a bellbottomed full body jumpsuit made of what looks like very long, very straggly and very dirty mammoth hair/ books written by Bill O’Reilly/a graphic tote saying ‘HOE BAG’? I thought you KNEW ME Internet robot!”
You just never know.
(and YES…allll those things I mentioned are REAL LIFE THINGS that have popped up for me at some point! 🤣)
This book definitely falls into the “love” side of autogenerated recs I have received.
Thank you Scribd app robot of recs for showing me this book!
As yall know, memoirs and autobiographies are one of my fave things to read.
Listening to other people’s life experiences and stories always teaches me new things, creates new levels of empathy, and also entertains as well.
This author is razor sharp hilarious, bitingly sarcastic, bluntly honest, and heart warmingly vulnerable. He has a way with words that is unique and a talent for humor that is immense.
Before I get too carried away with my thoughts and praise…. here is the official summary:
“It hasn’t been easy being Michael Arceneaux.
Equality for LGBTQ people has come a long way and all, but voices of persons of color within the community are still often silenced, and being Black in America is…well, have you watched the news?
With the characteristic wit and candor that have made him one of today’s boldest writers on social issues, I Can’t Date Jesus is Michael Arceneaux’s impassioned, forthright, and refreshing look at minority life in today’s America. Leaving no bigoted or ignorant stone unturned, he describes his journey in learning to embrace his identity when the world told him to do the opposite.
He eloquently writes about coming out to his mother; growing up in Houston, Texas; being approached for the priesthood; his obstacles in embracing intimacy that occasionally led to unfortunate fights with fire ants and maybe fleas; and the persistent challenges of young people who feel marginalized and denied the chance to pursue their dreams.
Perfect for fans of David Sedaris, Samantha Irby, and Phoebe Robinson, I Can’t Date Jesus tells us—without apologies—what it’s like to be outspoken and brave in a divisive world.”
Mr. Arceneaux writes candidly about all areas of his life in a way that is honest and raw…he is able to tell stories that are both heart breaking and hilarious, sometimes at the exact same time.
His collection of essays discusses deep areas of his life such as discovering his sexuality, family dysfunction, dismantling his childhood faith, dating, racism, homophobia, inner healing and struggles with self love and acceptance.
He writes about this with an equal balance of deep emotion and also boundless humor.
This book is a collection of essays that describe Mr. Arceneaux’s personal journey of growth, healing and transformation from his childhood beginnings all the way into the person he is today.
He doesn’t share every little bit of his story or journey, but he does share quite a bit. The good parts, the bad parts, and everything in between.
He says “Some parts of my life are sad, but I’m not a sad spirit.”
That is the perfect explanation of the overall vibe of this book.
Kinda reminded me of Tiffany Haddish’s book “The Last Black Unicorn.” (which I also really enjoyed)
Crying, laughing, blushing, mourning, lamenting and rejoicing. You will do all that while reading.
You will crack up laughing at a story he tells about some weird guy in a tracksuit who randomly sits down with him and a friend at dinner….and then a few essays later you have tears rolling down your face as you read about how he had to silently listen to homophobic hateful comments while in the barber shop.
Another similarity between this book and “The Last Black Unicorn”: LOOOOTTSSS of profanity AND frank, graphic discussion of sex. If that kind of thing has you clutching your pearls, then this probably ain’t the book for you.
There are also lots of pop culture references and modern slang…so if you aren’t hip to those things (*me raising my hand as high as I can get it*😆) you may have to head to the Google to look up terms like THOT or boogawolf. 😄
To read about his devotion and admiration of Beyonce’ was touching….her music and art has really made a huge impact in his life.
But he is also hysterical in how he speaks of his devotion too. For instance, he calls her his “lord and gyrator” and he calls anyone who does not recognize her amazingness a “Beytheist”. 🤣
Here is just a little sample of more of his touching and also hilarious words:
“I am less interested in wanting to belong and more passionate about being equal.”
“The only insight I could get from the Vatican at this point included shoe recommendations and where to buy one of those bad bitch dresses priests were required to wear while performing mass, if I ever decided to switch up my style.”
“As I’ve learned with my dad, no one is completely good or bad, and many of us carry the potential for monstrosity. Whether or not we give in to this is determined by how we deal with our demons.”
“Yes, white people in an Asian fusion restaurant were performing a Negro spiritual. If any Negro spirits had been awakened by their performance, it would have likely only been to bitch-slap them in disgust.”
And….the words of his that had me clapping and cracking up the hardest was a list he includes in one of the ending essays. He intentionally refuses to use the 45th President’s name in his multiple writings and commentaries when editors allow him to eliminate it. He includes the list of all the names he has used so far instead, like Tangerine Mussolini and Habanero Hitler. Yallllll…. it is next level petty and so many levels of awesome and I am HERE FOR IT EVERY DAY ALL DAY.
5 stars for this book and writer.
I already peeped at his website to read more things he has written. If you want to read some too, click here:
https://www.michael-arceneaux.com/writing