Amateur: A Reckoning with Gender, Identity, and Masculinity by Thomas Page McBee
(Format used for this read: Audiobook)
This is my second book review in one day….which is super ironic because in my last review I JUST SAID that I was not reading as much these days.
And here I am….doing two book reviews in one day LOL
You may be like “This girl JUST SAID she wasn’t reading a lot…and here she is reviewing TWO DIFFERENT BOOKS in ONE SINGULAR DAY…WTF?!?”
This is just a weird coincidence….my whiny rambles you saw on my less frequent reading frustrations still ring true…
I finished my previous read in print a few days ago when we were on a “camping” trip (my idea of camping involves AC and indoor plumbing and queen size beds😁) but didn’t have time to review it til today…
and then THIS read I completed on audio while finishing up a chore for about an hour in my garage this afternoon.
Also…this book is not very long…the audiobook was a little less than 4 hours…which usually would only take me a couple days….but it took me about two weeks to get thru 🤷♀️
Times are strange INDEED.
I found this book at the recommendation of a family member…and to be honest, I do not think I would have picked up this book on my own accord.
But I am so so glad I listened to her advice with this one….
This was an emotional, vulnerable, brave and emotional memoir…reading it really had me challenging my own biases, gender/sexuality definitions, and reconsidering the numerous ways society shapes us.
Here is the official summary of the book:
“In Amateur, Thomas Page McBee sets out to uncover what makes a man–and what being a “good” man even means–through his experience training for and fighting in a charity boxing match at Madison Square Garden.
A self described “amateur” at masculinity, McBee embarks on a wide range exploration of gender in society, examining sexism, toxic masculinity and privilege.
As he questions the limitations of gender roles and the roots of masculine aggression through interviews with experts and with his fellow boxers, he constructs a deft and thoughtful examination of the role of men in contemporary society.
Amateur is a graceful and uncompromising look at gender by a fearless, fiercely honest writer.”
I have only just VERY recently began to unravel my own biases and stereotypes I have held about trans men and women…which I didn’t even know I had.
It came to my attention that I really have never been intentional in understanding or listening to their life experience.
And that really sucks of me.💔
So I gotta do better.
I am trying to listen to more and more voices and stories that are not similar to my own life experience (which is a white, cisgender, heterosexual woman point of view)….because if I say I value ALL human beings, I have to recognize that there are SO SO SO many different types of us out there.
And we are all valuable, important and treasured.
I need to break down all this toxic bullshit that our society has fed us of what is “normal” and “beautiful” and “acceptable”.
Humans are complex, intricate and tremendous creatures… and there is no simple way to define ANY part of us.
This was a very insightful and valuable read for me…and I think it will be for you too.
I am so grateful for authors like Thomas who are so willing to openly share so much of their own story….the good, the bad, the inbetween and the undecided.
I read an interview with the author by a UK magazine where he is quoted as saying this:
“I think, personally, that much about being trans isn’t interesting at all, but if so many other people seem to think otherwise it’s only because we have such a binary understanding of what gender really is. The fact is that gender is merely a social construct, and that trans people have always existed throughout history. So we’re only catching up now with what has always been; it’s just never been much discussed within the public realm.”
Thomas Page McBee is so open and raw in this book….he is a writer by profession which shows immensely in how he uses words to honestly tell his own story. He has beautiful metaphors that he weaves between his journey of becoming his true self as a “real” man and the journey of becoming a “real” boxer.
I put the word real in parenthesis there because I find it to be such a relative term….and so does he.
What exactly is it that defines a “real” man?
What exactly is it that defines a “real” boxer?
Are the definitions of these two terms ones that our society places rules and regulations on and THAT is how we define the “real-ness”?
Thomas really dives into those things with his willingness to discuss his own journey in both categories.
I have to say that I am NOT a boxing fan….I really do NOT enjoy the sport of beating someone else up.
But while this book talks about his training and his match at length, there are so many underlying meanings to it all that carry so much relevance to his life journey in becoming who he is today.
Something he writes about in the book is the way our society connects maleness to violence.
What is it we see that makes a man “weak” or “strong”, both physically AND emotionally?
What does our society tell us is “acceptable” or “unacceptable” behavior for men to display?
What situations–if any– does society tell us it is okay for men to let their guard down, be vulnerable, be tender?
Are men really violent by nature or it is that a message they receive from societal expectations placed upon them?
His words really had me pondering these things in great depths.
Hearing this story most definitely challenged and expanded my views on being transgender as well as had me reassessing how I define masculinity in general.
Raising two boys of my own I have become hyper aware of the dangers of the standards of toxic masculinity that I see in so many aspects of our societal conditioning.
I don’t want them to grow up with set expectations of who they are “supposed” to be.
I don’t want them to listen to what society tells them about the “right” way to act or love or just BE.
I want them to be honest and true to who they are deep within…whoever that is for them.
I really valued listening to this book in audio form, because Thomas himself reads his memoir…. that always gives a book a more personal and “real” feel for me.
Eye opening, educational, and enlightening read.